I've struggled this past week with Chapters 3 and 4 of Greater! I am afraid of failure when it comes to stepping out into my faith. These concepts of casting away my "nets" and "burning my plows", has not been easy. It's taken a lot of quiet time to process these concepts.
My life has sunk to the level of baseline living in my relationship with God, in work, and at home with my family. I have been praying less. Day in and day out it is the same routine over and over again. I've been experiencing a calling that I don't completely understand yet. I am scared yet burning alive inside with this fire that I know isn't going to disappear any time soon. I even tried ignoring the issue of figuring out my nets and what plows to burn! Do you know what happened? Friday as I was sitting in traffic surrounded on all 4 sides of my car, I realized that I've been stuck in life just like sitting in traffic going nowhere surrounded by all kinds of excuses, nets, and plows. God then smacked me upside the head with this on Saturday: I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. Psalm 119:10. I even read this on a Joyce Meyer's Facebook post: "Don't just serve God in your mind, serve Him in your heart." Then I decided well certainly my church's email devotional won't be talking about being greater...yeah not so much! Both Friday and Saturday's devotionals see for yourself:
"Have you ever heard that gentle whisper calling you like Elijah heard in 1 Kings 19:12? God can call us in so many different ways. But what he calls each of us to is unique. He may be calling you to minister to a friend going through a tough holiday season. He may be calling you in your profession. God uses doctors to serve those who cannot afford treatment, contractors to build a school in a poverty-stricken country, a lawn care worker to cut the grass of an elderly widow in the neighborhood, or whatever your talent might be. The important thing is for you to listen to His voice. He is calling you to be a light in someone's life this Christmas. So, go ahead and hit that snooze on your alarm clock, but answer the call of the Father on your life." (Thanks KB!)
I wanted to scream at my computer, "Yes, I hear you loud and clear! I will get to it let me be..." Yeah, I found out the hard way, God doesn't give up on you especially when He wants you to answer Him! These kind of things had been popping up for 3 days and then today at church was the major whammy!!!!! On the back of our connection card, What burden are you asking Jesus to take from you? and What faith step are you going to take this week? I think either God has a really good sense of humor or He really wants me listen...maybe both.
Today, I am leaving behind my old fears, reservations, anger, resentment, negative attitude, self doubt and I am moving forward with a new Jenny. I am going to burn my plows that involves self doubt, low self worth, and procrastination. I am afraid of failure BUT if God is with me, how can I possibly fail? Oh yes, believe me this greater thing is so big that my stomach hurts! The only word right now that I can decipher is trust. So Trust is where I am going to begin.
I like what page 41 says about talking with God about greater, "God, whatever the greater life You are calling me into might look like, I'm in. Whether it's a big thing or a small thing You call me to do, I believe it will be a greater thing because You're the One who is calling and You are greater than all things. Whether the greater life means leaving something behind or becoming more passionate about where I am, I've decided to follow you. Here's my life, Lord. It's open ended. And it's pointed in the direction of the next step You call me to take. No matter what it costs."
One more whop upside the head before I fall asleep...you ready for this? Right on my Facebook page, procrastinating and worrying about this not being good enough:
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