Merry Christmas and New Year Thoughts

It's been awhile since I have written on this blog.

2014 has been an interesting year for me....one that is leading to better things. My one word for this year was family. I found out it wasn't about mending relationships with family but learning about different types of "families" in my life: job family, troop family, spiritual/church family, bestie family, family family.

My 2014 started in January with wrecking my car. My faith was unshakable. I knew Jesus quite literally took the wheel of my car on that snowy day. It all worked out despite my car being totaled. I ended up with a 2014 Ford Focus and I love my car. I can put January behind me and pressed on into February.

February through May went by quickly. I had a change in my job, my Girl Scout troop, my Life group, and my attitude changed along with those things. My best friend lost her son to suicide. I know my "bestie family" (The girls I grew up with that although apart, we still care about each other.) I discovered that I was not ready to lead a Life group. I also learned that I love being a troop leader just not with the current co-leader. (Through that alone, I began to learn how to love myself despite the way a certain person made me feel.) My job taught me how to be strong when being bombarded by negativity, failure, frustration, people who talked behind my back, and once again how to love myself. I realized that they didn't matter, that their negativity was not my fault (some had/have personal issues.), that only 1 love truly mattered....God's Love.

The summer months came and went. A flurry of activity from more work problems to a wonderful family vacation in Florida and even a beautiful wedding for my sister in law. At this point tjogh my faith began to falter...I stopped going to church. I don't really know why I felt so spiritually dead. Felt alone. I learned I had a family called "church family". I received cards of encouragement out of the blue. That started melting my heart again. I learned that my family family (cousins, in laws, brother, nieces, nephews, Dad, husband and my children are very important to me.)

The fall months brought just being too busy. Cheer and soccer practices and games made it seem like I was drowning. I started realizing it was okay to say no sometimes. October brought another wedding...this time for a cousin in my husband's family. I realized I missed this side of my family immensely and that I want to be around them more. They accept me for who I am and besides they all give great hugs.

November seemed to be the month that started recharging me. Yes there were problems but I felt ready to work through it. It started with getting a Facebook message from my pastor. I first thought, "Why does he care?" I answered him back and confided in him. I asked him how to get out of my funk. He then reminded me that I was not forgotten. God put me in my pastor's mind that day. That is the first time in my spiritual journey that any pastor contacted me and actually cared. Thank You Pastor Mark! Thanksgiving came and it felt good to be doing positive things for others.  Still in a funk but it was starting to get better.

December came, still here for a few more days. It flew by but I've had a lot of thinking time with being sick and now off for the holidays. Once again, God spoke to my heart on Christmas Eve. I am feeling more recharged and I am ready for whatever 2015 brings. I am blessed more than I knew. Below is my Christmas reflection from Christmas Eve:

Just sitting here reflecting on Christmas. For so many years, Christmas was just full of painful memories and lots of hurt. 3 years ago I attended a church Christmas service. In my mind "it was just another church service". Thinking back that was one of the best nights of my life. It changed me. God and I had a conversation and he answered back with something so huge....I can't really put it into words. It was the first Christmas that the pain and hurt went away.

Tonight, I was at that same church. I am still being changed. I've been in a funk this year. God has changed my heart again. 

Thank you God for bringing your son into this world all because you love me, because you want me, because you loved the world. I am humbled, in awe, touched, feeling like I don't deserve this kind of love while crying tears of joy. Thank you God for not giving up on me.

Merry Christmas to you all! I love each and everyone of you.

I am on a quest today and the rest of 2014....searching, praying, and thinking about a new word for 2015.