Self Doubt

On the eve of my appointment with the new psychologist, I am now having some doubts. What if this one doesn't agree? What if I really have been wrong all this time? What if I really have just been imagining all of his quirks? What if this new doctor thinks I am a complete idiot? What if I am wrong? What if I fail my son?What if, what if, what if...I can't sleep because these questions keep ruling my thoughts!

I am not sure that I am doing the right thing. I keep going over his history, my history, and all my notes. Why can't I shake that feeling that I am right? Am I really scared of being right?

If I am so wrong, then why can't he handle transition like today when we went to Sunday school? He cried for quite some time and his favorite helper had to hold him with a deep pressure hug. How do I help my son when other people think I am crazy or don't see what I see? Is this related more to sensory or is this a link to autism?

Why does he tell me that he loves me and it seems like he means it but then he looks at me and screams "I hate you!"? Does he really not understand these emotions?

Why is it that to get him to understand rules, simple tasks like getting a bath that I have to sing about those things to get him to process the information?

Why does the teacher agree that we need to add something about social behaviors to his IEP but other people in our lives think that's completely absurd?

I feel like I am alone in these doubts. That I am wrong to want to seek help for my child.

Please! Somebody tell me if you have ever felt like this?

God, give me the words to tell this new doctor why I think my son has autism or PDD (they are the same). Because right now, I feel like I am wrong and that all of this is just a dream. Please give me comfort, Lord, and help to know that I am pursuing the right things for my special boy. Guide me Lord to the answers that I so desperately seek. Lord, reach inside of me into my heart and repair the crack that has been made by the one person who I wish would not doubt me, not only myself but the someone I long to believe me. God, help me to stay strong and persistent with this; help me to keep fighting for what I know is right. In Jesus' Name I Pray. Amen.