Too blessed to be stressed! Today being Thursday would be a great day to have a theme, yeah I know you've guessed it! Thankful Thursday or AKA Finding the Blessings when you are stressed to the max! Starting with 5 and hope to add more to this list if not every day maybe once a week for now.
1. God 2 Family 3. Friends (Yes, even the one lounging on my couch right now!) 4. My Patients 5. SuperE's Therapists and Teachers
Sunday Blessings...added 4-14-13 6. A beautiful day 7. My niece 8. Sunday School..the kids all of them and one today really stood out...JK buddy, you totally made my day! Sweet and loving kids, they are all so very special! 9. Food, I have food for my children to eat. 10. My children: SuperE waking me up with a kiss and saying sorry for something he did the day before. KK seeing an old pic of her when she was about 5 and taking pic of her standing in front of that pic.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 The more I think of blessings, the happier my days have become! 1. Jody, SuperE's new sitter 2. My Dad 3. The girls: (no particular order) JMS, BA, RT, SB, CC, NR, BB, and B 4. Medtronic guy: Thanks for the Iced coffee! =) 5. My Lifegroup
Thursday, April 18, 2013 1, My kids 2. Sleepy Time Tea 3.Group 41 4. My husband 5. AG pseudonym for a person who has a huge heart that helps me.
Stress....what image comes to your mind when you think of stress?
Me, I imagine myself with hair that's standing on end like when you stick your finger in a light socket. A raging migraine, the kids are yelling and fighting...again, the dog is barking, the TV is blaring. I am standing in the middle of it all with steam coming out of my ears, holding my head, and all of sudden, I explode! My mind keeps racing about Girl Scout meetings, women's ministry, work problems, money, IEP meeting, KK (my daughter) has a music program, the argument the hubby and I just had...A scream comes out but nobody hears it. They just keep on with the chaos. Why don't they hear me? Why can't I find peace?
Hopefully soon through the new OBS with Proverbs 31 and Melissa Taylor's OBS, I will learn how to live with stress and finding true peace.
My vision of true peace involves an island all to myself with nothing but the quiet, good music, and a good book to read. I just want some quiet and for my brain to just be still. When I close my eyes and think about that place, it gives me some calm but not entirely.
Apparently, there is a cure for this and way to get peace. I've heard it's through God and our prayers.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (NASB)
That is the true peace that I am seeking. The only one who can truly give me that kind of freedom from my thoughts....God. I want to find peace that is focused on and based on Christ, my faith, a peace that comes from trusting in God.
For me, it's not so much the past that is getting to me. It's the present and future. I let those with high negative emotion affect me. I let the little things stick to me. I continually sweat the small stuff. I can't take anymore stress. I am about to break into a million tiny pieces!
Only Jesus can give me the kind of peace I am urgently looking for every day!
Dear Lord,
I want some peace in this crazy life. I don't mean the temporary makes you feel good for 5 minutes kind of peace. I need a life changing kind of peace. Something that is so deep that I can only get from you. My life has become total chaos and I haven't taken the time to reflect on what the peace we get from you means. Help me see you in the midst of my life. Help me feel your peace deep within my soul. Thank you Lord, for your love and for your peace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
***WARNING! Some of this may be hard for you to read. I do explain a few specific things about dying and about my own Mom's passing.***
I've been thinking about my life a year ago.
One year ago, I had only been attending church for one month. I went at first for my daughter. You see, she was saved on Christmas Eve. She asked Jesus to be her forever friend at the Christmas Eve service. My goal was to take her to church to help her blossom in her faith. Then my next goal was to get my son going to Sunday school to help prepare him for school. All of this was from my Mom dying earlier in the year from cancer. You see, God has perfect timing. He showed us His perfect timing a few days before my Mom passed and the day that she left us to go home with the Lord.
The Thursday before she died, my daughter and I were on our way to visit her. KK grabbed my hand and looked up at me (we were about 1 block away from the nursing home.) and said, "Mom? Is everything going to be okay? Is Grandma going to Heaven?" Of course, I turned it around and said, "Yes, honey, it is going to be okay. Jesus is with us. What do you think is going to happen when Grandma dies?" KK says the most amazing thing next, "Well, Grandma is going to Heaven. She will be so happy, Mom! I just know it! She is not only going to get to see Jesus, but she is going to see all of her family that are gone like her parents and grandparents. Grandma is not going to have anymore pain and you know what else Mom? She is going to have a new, beautiful body that will no longer have cancer." This was said so matter-of-fact that it gave me goosebumps. I knew that the message came from God. That was March, 2011.
When Mom passed, the day was nothing but perfect timing. Down to my brother A being there. I had spent all night there Friday night because we had been told her skin had started modeling. That indicates the process of dying has begun. Random funny moment Friday night/Saturday morning about 4 am, I decided that I might need to actually eat. So, I went down to the cafeteria and in the vending machine was this burger. I swear Mom had them put that in there on purpose. The title of the burger was so funny that I sat there and laughed so hard for a good 10 minutes. That would have been something she and I would have laughed about for days, weeks, sometimes even years. We had so many long standing jokes between us that nobody really got except for myself and Mom.
My picture of the not appropriate burger:
About midnight, I came back into her room and sat next to her holding her hand. I started singing "Amazing Grace" to her quietly. At one point, she turned her head to me and had opened her eyes. She was still there for just a brief moment and I whispered to her, "Mom, It's all gonna be okay, right?" Just like my daughter did on Thursday. She smiled at me and she shook her head yes and whispered back to me, "Yes, it will be okay." She then turned her head from me and closed her eyes while one tear was falling down her cheek. That was the last time we spoke to each other, the last time I heard my Mom's voice, the last time I saw her cry...that moment still makes my heart ache.
I went home early Saturday morning for about 2 hours. I think I just needed to hold my family and be near them for a little while. When I got back, my Brother M, sister-in-law E, and my Dad were there. When I went into her room, I announced loudly, "A said that he and D and the boys will be here around 2:30 today." They say the dying can still hear and that is one of the last senses to go..yeah I researched a lot about dying, the process of dying. I needed to know what was going to happen. Right before lunch, I went to the chapel and just sat down and prayed. I cried and I prayed for my brothers and my Dad. That we would all somehow grant Mom her final wish of just getting along. I don't remember praying as hard as I did that day. E's Mom brought us lunch and at lunch time I asked my niece to come with me to get my daughter. I just felt that I needed to get her. After picking up KK, we then headed to Mom and Dad's house to check on my 4-legged brother Otis. For some reason, my niece and I were sitting there and we both just got a feeling like we needed to leave. When we arrived back at the nursing home, Mom had opened her eyes the last time looking at E and A, my nephew and niece. Shortly after that, we all started telling Mom goodbye and letting her know for the thousandth time that we love her so very much and that we would meet again. Then her final moments came. All of us right there with her by her side. It was the most peaceful thing in my life that I could ever remember. I held her hand and laid my forehead on her side as she took her last breaths. I couldn't bear looking at her face. M says that she opened her eyes briefly as she took that last breath. All of us coached her...we told her to listen for the music and to not be afraid. She left this world surrounded by her family and love, surrounded by her children that finally got their stuff together and got along, and most importantly guided by God's perfect timing.
What I didn't realize in those first months of 2012? I was the one who needed to find a church home. Yes, the kids needed it too BUT I needed it in a big way! My church feels like home to me and my kids. I feel safe, happy....just right.
9 months and 19 days after Mom passed away, KK asked Jesus to be her forever friend! I shared John 3:16 with her and told her the same thing my very good friend L. B. wrote to me in a note that she handed me before the start of Math class. Jesus became my forever friend during Math class in my sophomore year of high school. I've always been told it's about God's plan and His perfect timing. This "Jesus Thing" came up after a particularly hard season of my life and through the difficult process of my son being diagnosed with PDD-NOS (An autism spectrum disorder and just google it or check out my other blog "My Quirky Son"). I felt so alone in 2011 and part of 2012. I felt like I had no purpose and that my world was completely gray. When Mom died, my world was turned upside down. I felt like a piece of my heart broke off. I prayed for God to help me find some friends, not just any friends, Godly women. I asked for that specifically and you know what? God gave me just that in the form of my Lifegroup and a church family. I have felt so weird about asking for prayers but I've kept at it. The pastors and elders at my church care. They check up on me and they pray for me. They have celebrated some of my joys and they have helped me through tough situations. I am growing but in a different way. I am growing spiritually.
One year ago, I felt just a slight flicker and today, I feel like I am burning inside with this this insatiable thirst, it's like a need and a want both. Every time I open my bible, I get relief from that insatiable thirst. I know there is more and I can't wait to find out what more there could be. I am excited; shaking with it really. It's like that feeling you get right before Christmas morning when you are anticipating that moment of opening gifts but so much more. Like how I felt the night before I got married BUT so much more.
Some things Mom sent us from Heaven:
The rainbow on what would have been her birthday, 4/28/2011. It was so massive that I couldn't get it all in picture. And one thing the picture doesn't show, the bright violet color was so vibrant! Mom's favorite color was purple.
Violets that grew in my parent's backyard by the swing set:
"The housework. The meals. The kids. Many women are wired to control. But trying to control everything can be exhausting, and it can also cause friction with your friends and family.
This humorous, yet thought-provoking book guides you as you discover the freedom and reward of living life "out of control", in which you allow God to be seated in the rightful place in your life. Armed with relevant biblical and current examples (both to emulate and to avoid), doable ideas, new thought patterns, and practical tools to implement, Let. It. Go. will gently lead you out of the land of over control into a place of quiet trust."
So nervous about this idea of just letting it go! And I just read beautiful words written on the inside cover from my previous OBS leader, Karen...just made me cry! I love you Karen and I am so blessed to have you in my life my dear and beautiful sister in Christ!
Our first memory verse posted on Pinterest: Memory Verse!
I think the thing I struggle with the most is even knowing how to Let It Go. How do I give up control to God? How do I let "Jesus Take the Wheel"? I am Mommy...I have to be the one in control or this family is going to fall completely apart!
Page 17, top of the page: "In fact, we can even attempt to glaze this grab for power with an opaque film of righteousness. After all, maybe we're taking God's directions to us in Colossians 3:23 seriously: "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people" (NLT). Well, then, aren't we just being good church girls, trying to serve Jesus by being in charge of it all? Yep, that's it. We're simply being careful and conscientious. Therein, fellow control freak of mine, lies the problem. There exists a minuscule line between being conscientious and being controlling. A marker so fine, we women cross it without even noticing that it's stretched out right there in front of us, waiting to trip us up. What we must do is determine the difference between being conscientious (our part) and being in control (God's job)."
You mean it's not my job to control? But I am the Mommy! This is going to be harder than I thought...
My control quotient is 44: "41 - 50: Control-freak alert! Your strength has developed into a weakness and sent others running for cover. Time to stop tweaking and start trusting before all of your friends and family scatter for good, and you end up a prisoner of your own pushy self! (Don't feel bad. I scored a 46!)"
I got my work cut out for me!
Page 20, this sentence says it all..."And being happy, I thought, meant getting my own way." Yeah, I feel that way right now. If I don't get my way in every aspect of my life, then I can't be happy and I won't be happy (Crossing my arms defiantly like my 4 year old!) Well, guess what Jenny? IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! That hurts...
The Many Faces of Control...deep down honesty?
I am all of them depending on the situation. I can be the soft-spoken saint who never says no and only says yes only to just be agreeable. Sometimes it is genuine and at other times it isn't.
The enabler is also me. I don't let the world see my true family life at home and I do craft excuses for loved ones's bad behavior. I absorb the blame and make good excuses just so my family has a good reputation.
The victim or martyr is someone that controls not by yelling or barking orders but by pouting that is well-timed...oh yeah, with the occasional sigh. Guilty. Maybe I sigh too much because I am only trying to get my way.
I am a people pleaser. I will often say what people want to hear and I do hate ruffling feathers. This really hurts to admit but I want everyone to hear what they want to hear. I tend to jump on the bandwagon that suits my purpose at that time.
These all hurt. I will rise above it and change my life. I don't want to be like any of these things.
Page 23: "I think it starts with admitting that however it may manifest itself in our own unique personalities, we have a problem: our wiring is screwed up. Because of sin, we're wired to control everything ourselves. And it will take a Great Electrician to sort through our tangled mess of selfish motives and actions and attitudes and transform them into one smooth, humming connection to our Father."
Oh My! I believe in God but I have yet to fully trust God. "...in order to get a grip, we have to let go." I hope I sincerely learn "...how to control what we should and trust God with what we can't."
In theory, celebrating Advent seemed like such a great idea! In reality, we've been too busy! But we have managed to have at least one night of celebration.
Week 2:
Scripture: In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was take while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child. Luke 2:1-7
Prayer: God, journey with us to Bethlehem. Go with us and lead us to your love. Go with us and teach us to love others.
Light the first candle, and then the second candle.
Sing or read: O Little Town of Bethlehem
Devotion: This is the second Sunday of Advent. Today we remember that Mary and Joseph went on a journey to Bethlehem. We too are on our own journey. We travel toward Christmas, and the birth of Jesus because we want to know Him better, to feel His love, to see his face in our life today.
Devotion Option: (I love this option!) If you have small children in your family ask them to play the part of the donkey Mary rode on. When you read the cue they are to say: "Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop." Every time you say Donkey..
Joseph put Mary on a donkey (clip clop) to travel t Bethlehem. The donkey (clip clop) carried Mary over hills high and low. The donkey (clip clop) carried Mary under the sunshine. The donkey (clip clop) carried Mary through the dark. Joseph walked beside, but the donkey (clip clop) carried Mary all the way to Bethlehem.
Prayer: Thank you God for the donkey who carried Mary and for the animals that greeted them in Bethlehem.
If you've set up the stable or barn of your nativity set, now's the time to add the animals. _____________________________________________________________________________
Advent Week 3:
Scripture: And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior." Luke 1:46-47
Scripture: In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for see - I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, The Lord. Luke 2:8-10
Devotion: Today is the third Sunday of Advent, the Sunday of joy. The young Mary who had every reason to fear, expressed joy in God's favor. The angels comforted the frightened shepherds out on a dark hillside with the joy of the good news. The joy we find is never in our circumstances but in our relationship with God in Christ.
Light the first candle, light the second candle, light the third candle (which may be pink) and say "Today we light the candle of joy."
Prayer: God, we too rejoice. We rejoice that Jesus is born in Bethlehem. We rejoice that you give us what we need. Fill our days with joy and help us to share that joy with others.
Sing: Joy to the World
Add Mary and Joseph and the Shepherds to your nativity scene.
*Disclaimer?* Once again I copied this from an insert my church has been giving us each Sunday!
Merry Christmas and may you all find some joy this week!
***Update: I had a really hard time concentrating on my OBS book "Greater" in light of the tragic events of 12/14/2012. I still can't read or watch any news related to it...my heart is just breaking for that community. So, I will be writing a "Greater" blog between now and January 10th...check back often! Check out the e-devotional I wrote for my church here!: E-Devotional written by Yours Truly Also, check out my other blog: My Quirky Son Merry Christmas!***
I've struggled this past week with Chapters 3 and 4 of Greater! I am afraid of failure when it comes to stepping out into my faith. These concepts of casting away my "nets" and "burning my plows", has not been easy. It's taken a lot of quiet time to process these concepts.
My life has sunk to the level of baseline living in my relationship with God, in work, and at home with my family. I have been praying less. Day in and day out it is the same routine over and over again. I've been experiencing a calling that I don't completely understand yet. I am scared yet burning alive inside with this fire that I know isn't going to disappear any time soon. I even tried ignoring the issue of figuring out my nets and what plows to burn! Do you know what happened? Friday as I was sitting in traffic surrounded on all 4 sides of my car, I realized that I've been stuck in life just like sitting in traffic going nowhere surrounded by all kinds of excuses, nets, and plows. God then smacked me upside the head with this on Saturday: I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. Psalm 119:10. I even read this on a Joyce Meyer's Facebook post: "Don't just serve God in your mind, serve Him in your heart." Then I decided well certainly my church's email devotional won't be talking about being greater...yeah not so much! Both Friday and Saturday's devotionals see for yourself:
"Have you ever heard that gentle whisper calling you like Elijah heard in 1 Kings 19:12? God can call us in so many different ways. But what he calls each of us to is unique. He may be calling you to minister to a friend going through a tough holiday season. He may be calling you in your profession. God uses doctors to serve those who cannot afford treatment, contractors to build a school in a poverty-stricken country, a lawn care worker to cut the grass of an elderly widow in the neighborhood, or whatever your talent might be. The important thing is for you to listen to His voice. He is calling you to be a light in someone's life this Christmas. So, go ahead and hit that snooze on your alarm clock, but answer the call of the Father on your life." (Thanks KB!)
I wanted to scream at my computer, "Yes, I hear you loud and clear! I will get to it let me be..." Yeah, I found out the hard way, God doesn't give up on you especially when He wants you to answer Him! These kind of things had been popping up for 3 days and then today at church was the major whammy!!!!! On the back of our connection card, What burden are you asking Jesus to take from you? and What faith step are you going to take this week? I think either God has a really good sense of humor or He really wants me listen...maybe both.
Today, I am leaving behind my old fears, reservations, anger, resentment, negative attitude, self doubt and I am moving forward with a new Jenny. I am going to burn my plows that involves self doubt, low self worth, and procrastination. I am afraid of failure BUT if God is with me, how can I possibly fail? Oh yes, believe me this greater thing is so big that my stomach hurts! The only word right now that I can decipher is trust. So Trust is where I am going to begin.
I like what page 41 says about talking with God about greater, "God, whatever the greater life You are calling me into might look like, I'm in. Whether it's a big thing or a small thing You call me to do, I believe it will be a greater thing because You're the One who is calling and You are greater than all things. Whether the greater life means leaving something behind or becoming more passionate about where I am, I've decided to follow you. Here's my life, Lord. It's open ended. And it's pointed in the direction of the next step You call me to take. No matter what it costs."
One more whop upside the head before I fall asleep...you ready for this? Right on my Facebook page, procrastinating and worrying about this not being good enough:
From Joyce Meyer Ministries Facebook page:
"Are you afraid of doing what God’s called you to do? You don’t have to be. God says you’ve got what it takes because you’ve got Him!"
He definitely wants me to understand all of this greater business!
Yesterday, marked the first day of Advent. My family never celebrated Advent so I don't really know how to even begin this tradition with my own family. My church gave us an advent wreath yesterday! I have it sitting on my kitchen table. We have the candles: 3 purple and 1 pink. We then went out and purchased a white candle for the middle. Not sure if we were supposed to do that or not...
Then I took my kids to the "Dollar Tree". They each got to pick out one decoration. Kaelie picked out a red bird siting on a branch with pine cone, holly leaf, and glitter. Eli picked out, of course, a green bow. We also set out the creche with the angel. We are going to slowly put things out with that to build on the story of Christmas. Here are some pictures of our set up:
We didn't get to do our ceremony last night because Kaelie was not feeling well. But we are going to do it tonight!
Here is how our family celebration will begin:
Gather around the Advent wreath.
Scripture: A voice cries out in the wilderness, prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill will be made low; the uneven ground shall become level and the rough places a plain. Then the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all the people shall see it together. Isaiah 40:3-5
Prayer: God help us, we pray, to make a way for you in our busy lives. Help us to see your light and love in our world.
Light the first candle.
Scripture: The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness - on them light has shined (Isaiah 9:2). Jesus said, I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life (John 8:12).
Devotion: This the first Sunday of Advent. We've gathered here to think about Jesus and His coming into our world. Jesus is like a light that shines on us and shows us the way out of darkness. Jesus' teachings are like a light to show us the way to live. We want to get ourselves ready for Jesus to come into our lives, into our hearts this Christmas. (Ask family members) What are some special things we can do to get ready this Christmas? Or, how can we be a light to others? ********************************************************************************* Some suggested family activities for the week:
*Make or purchase an Advent wreath to take to your neighbor who lives alone, or better yet, invite them to your advent devotions. *Relight the first advent candle at meal time and say a special prayer for those who need the light of God's love in their life. *Make or buy tree ornaments that remind you that Jesus is the Light of the World. *Make or buy candles to give to friends with a card attached to remind them to burn candles in honor of Jesus the Light of the World. *If it's a clear night, go out and look at stars. Begin to talk about this special light that led the way to the place of Jesus' birth. ********************************************************************************* Some ideas for thinking about Light: *Ask each person to remember some special Christmas celebration from the past (get out pictures) or look through old Christmas cards recalling the folks who sent them and talk about how they "brightened" your life. *Storytelling. Using real event in your child's life--tel the (child's name) story..."Once upon a time there was a little boy names Eli...." Tell how your child has brought light into your life and/or the life of the family. *Rummage through a box of tree ornaments or Christmas decorations to find those that symbolize "Light" or Jesus as the Light of the World. *Begin to talk about how your family can participate in one of the many projects that help others at Christmas.
If you have a creche, a nativity scene, now's the time to get it out. Put out just the empty stable or barn and talk about this special place that has been prepared for the baby. But don't tell the Christmas story yet, let it unfold and build week to week.
Let's pray: Dear God, We ask you to be with us as we prepare for Christmas. Help us to enjoy this time of waiting. Help us to care for others as you care for us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
P.S. Here is a link that explains the meaning of the advent wreath and candles:
In the meantime enjoy these 2 videos of popular carols: 1. Oh Holy Night
2. Joy To the World ***Update: Check out Week 2 and 3 Advent for another example. This is a new tradition my kids and I have been celebrating! Also, Don't forget to come back between now and January 10th for my newest Greater blog...which topic will I choose? Hmmm....I guess you will have to come back and see! Merry Christmas!***
